The crows were being petty towards each
other, which was especially hurtful, since this was the time of year
that they were at war with the seagulls and on the defensive from the
eagles.
It mostly bothered him, because every
time he flew over to his two neighbours, who were never not seen
together, they would fly away from him. And once when he tried to
share the piece of bread that he had found, they took it from him
completely and flew away.
What were they? Geese? It was
outrageous. And he was going to finally squawk up the courage to
mention something at the next city council meeting. There had to be a
certain amount of solidarity. Wasn't it a rush when all three of
them, just last year, attacked that large scary human on a bicycle?
And now, he wanted to move. But he needed permission if he was going
to have crow protection. Which he needed because he was truly hoping
on starting his own nest this year.
Even on the way to the meeting, they
completely ignored him whilst in flight. In fact, they all did. What
the hell was going on here? I'm not some stupid Jonathan Livingston
here. I'm a good crow. I do good crow work.
At the council meeting, before he could
hope to raise his complaints he was called by name. “Balsam and
Broadway” The mayor called out. “please glide forward.”
He was so nervous his feathers looked
as if he had just been in a fight.
“Balsam and Broadway, your neighbours
have been issuing reports of you, and your behaviour to the council.
And we are afraid that we have some news for you.”
Oh God! He thought, they're going to
make me into a Johnathan Livingston Crow! Why?
“You have been a good crow to your
area, cawing bright and early near the windows the humans who inhabit
your area, strutting around as if this great city were made solely
for you. Yet, never carrying this behaviour forward to your fellow
Crow.”
“Yes?” Was all he could muster.
“You have been kind and forgiving,
and without complaint, despite the council sending you two horrendous
birds to live next to you. In order for them to report back your
reaction. It says here” the mayor rolled out one of the McDonald's
napkins that crows are always writing on. “That you were going to
complain about them in private with me, after the council.”
Where did he get that information? How
could anyone have known that?
“Well, yes. Yes I was.”
“Good Crow! Good Crow!”
Now all of the crows were yelling this
out together.
“You have been elected as my
replacement as Mayor of Vancouver for next season, until such time
that you choose to quit, or you die.”
He couldn't believe what he was
hearing. Mayor of Vancouver! Except, the spies that were sent from
the council had lied.
So after the celebration, the next
morning he approached his neighbours and asked them why they lied,
that he was clearly going to shame them publicly and would not have
been elected Mayor, had he done so.
They responded by saying one word at a
time, forming a sentence ultimately together
“Because!”
“Now!”
“We!”
“Own!”
“You!”
It was clear to him that he was in
trouble, that these crows were evil, these were not Vancouver crows,
oh no, they must have originally hatched in Toronto, or Winnipeg, and
found their way here because of lucky winds.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The following season, when Balsam and
Broadway became Mayor of Vancouver. He found out about a deal that
the two neighbour birds that were making with the seagulls. They were
negotiating egg swaps, that they would make look like Eagle attacks.
Balsam couldn't stand the thought of
such deception, and he knew that they would expect him to go along
with it, much like the last Mayor must have gone along with it, and
the one before that.
Oh! To find out that this whole time
the war between Seagulls and Crows had been a sham! Why, anything
would be better than giving up crow eggs to seagulls! Anything!
Which is exactly what he chose. He
found out when the meet for the exchange was supposed to happen.
Right on Kits beach, right there in the open, for any and all to see!
It was fine, it didn't effect his plan, he just couldn't imagine the
gall that these two crows had.
His plan involved and awkward
conversation, and approval from the council, even the Mayor can't
make decisions like this without approval.
He was to approach the Eagles, and
provide them the offer that was being given the Seagulls. For good
Crows can fight Seagulls, but Eagles? Impossible. Eagles were huge,
fast and noble. And clean. Never see the white on a Bald Eagle
anything other than white. Never saw a Seagull like that. Not ever!
The conversation that he had with the
Eagles went well, they were talonted speakers. And treated him with
more respect than he thought they would.
“We agree to your terms Mayor. And we
will act accordingly.”
The day of the meeting between the
schemers and the seagulls, the Mayor of Vancouver watched from a
distance and an Eagle swept in and took the eggs from both the
Seagulls and the Crows, and then watched as another Eagle came down
and ripped up the two crows with his massive talons.
The deaths were barely thought of, the
missing eggs were accounted for. And all was well. Balsam and
Broadway got himself two good new neighbours, the squawk as loudly as
they can together near any open window they can find in the morning.
They attack anyone who lingers too long or too close to their nests.
And they always walk around, as if they
own the place.
Because they do. And always will.
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